And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
