I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
