someone threw a dead crab at me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
