My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
