She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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