I'm going to jail i love you
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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