They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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