im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
