quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
