i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
