is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
