I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
