Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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