i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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