She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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