I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
