I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My life is pants optional.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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