they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
