Already got asked if we're dating
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
