did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
