Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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