and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
