You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
