Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
