@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
