my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
