It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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