that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
