you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
