before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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