Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
