Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
