Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
