i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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