will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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