I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
