new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
