Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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