btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
