Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
