Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
