weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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