the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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