There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
