Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My ass is underappreciated
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
