Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
