Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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