Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Drake has all the answers
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
