I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
