just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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