I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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